Chaotic
by lexcel
Summary: Lonely and hurting, Relena is vulnerable and one man is more than eager to offer comfort.


Standard Disclaimer: Don't own GW or the characters. That really makes me sad!  
Italics are Trowa's POV  
* are people's POV  
Warnings! Pro-Relena and Trowa in this! And very angsty!  


  
  
  
  
  
  
**Chaotic by lexcel aka. mylexy**

  
_I never thought I was the kind of man to wait for things to happen, but now I have no choice. Heero is dead. The unbelievable has happened and even the perfect soldier met up with fate. As many times as he self destructed and survived, he wasn't able to survive a bullet to the back of his head. The only thing that helps me sleep at night is the knowledge he died quickly and didn't suffer. He was my friend. Now I would have to bide my time until she had properly mourned her first love before I could make my move. God forgive me..._

  
Relena smiled as she walked through the crowd with her nephew Zach. It was his first time at the circus and just watching his happy expression warmed her heart. He was in awe of his surroundings. Brightly colored tents in every color of the rainbow littered the grounds. Clowns in bright mish matched colors juggled and twisted up balloon animals, while acrobats warmed up. Having a close friend work as a performer didn't hurt. Trowa had invited her to see a performance, she knew to cheer her up and asked her to bring Zach along.

"Auntie, look! Lions!" Zach yelled fairly loudly, pointing to an encased lion.

Relena nodded and held his hand as she maneuvered him through the increasingly larger crowd. Zach at three years old was an exact replica of his mother Lucrezia, right down to the raven black hair and blue eyes. Lu had dressed him in jeans and a blue short sleeve shirt, making him impossibly cute. He was also her pride and joy. So loving and full of energy, he always made her motherly instincts rise. But then, she would never have children with the man she loved. That dream died months ago along with him. If only she had closure...what ever that really meant? If only the murderer was in prison or dead.

"Why you sad, Auntie?" Zach questioned, jiggling her hand to get her attention. Relena blinked before blushing at losing her self in morbid thoughts again. She was here to have fun and spend time with her nephew and that's what she would do.

"Huh? Oh, I'm not sad sweety. I was just thinking. " Relena said, smiling wanly.

Zach nodded very wisely for his age and gave her a heartbreaking smile. She smiled sincerely back this time at him.  
  
"Relena! Over here." Cathy yelled, waving them over to a grey tent. Peeking his head out, Trowa waved at them before stepping out beside his sister.

Relena smiled genuinely happy to see her friends. With life so busy, she didn't get to see everyone like she wished. She gave the siblings hugs for greetings. They were decked out in their costumes. Cathy in a pretty new outfits of violet to match her eyes and startling red hair. Trowa was even more handsome in his green clown costume and half mask.

"Thank you for inviting us." Relena said, looking down at an excited Zach.

"Yeah! I wanna see the lions and have some candy and-" Zach gushed.

"Whoa! Slow down little guy. How about I show you around the place first? How about it, Lena?" Cathy grinned.

Shrugging, Relena agreed. "Sure. He'll enjoy that. But remember, he's a handful."

Cathy smirked, taking the little boy's hand. "So is Trowa, but I can handle him too."

"Hey!" Trowa said, not looking offended in the least. He watched Relena closely as his sister and little Zach walked off. She was looking thinner, but was still as beautiful as the day he had met her. The blue jeans and red tank top showed off her slim figure. Anyone else looking at her would see a happy, attractive young woman, but he could see under the make up the tired eyes and strain. Heero's death had effected her most of all. Duo had been crushed over his best friends murder, but in a way it made them all closer. They made sure to keep in touch more often than before. Heero had only been dead for seven months, so he knew the wound was still very raw and painful.

"Hello? And they talk about my day dreaming. Trowa?" Relena giggled, waving her hand over his eyes. When he blinked down at her, she laughed a loud at the bewildered expression. He blushed a lovely shade of red and Relena couldn't help but notice how attractive he was. But he wasn't Heero.

"Sorry. Well, how about I give you a tour of the grounds before the first act?" Trowa asked, he held out his arm gallantly for her to grab on.

"I'd love it." Relena laughed. She took his arm and he led her away from the tent. To anyone seeing them, they would like a couple in love.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" she questioned very seriously.

"Anything?" he said.

"How the heck do you keep that mask on?" Relena wondered. His chuckling soon got her laughing in return.

***********

*It was way too soon. It was unthinkable, really. Dating was too scary an idea. I'm not over Heero. I don't think I'll ever be.*

A year going by had not changed the importance of him on my life. She had been robbed of the man she loved. They had become so close after Mariemaia, just starting the motions of an actual relationship. Their first kiss...the first time they had made love.*

"It's only been a year." Relena sighed, silently cursing herself for answering the phone. She knew they all worried over her health after Heero's murder. As much as she would like to join him in death, she knew she had to continue on. He wouldn't want her to be sad even when he was the cause of it.

"Honey, you've been held up in your house for too long. Except for work, I don't think you ever go out." Lucrezia reminded her over the vid-phone line.

"I do. I go out with friends-"

"Yes, friends. You have to start living again, Lena." Lucrezia said.

"That's easy for you to say. The man you love is very much alive. If Milliardo died, would you want people telling you to just get over it and move on?" Relena snapped angrily.

"Lena, please." Lucrezia sighed. Her saddened expression showed her sorrow for her poor choice of words.

"I have to go, Lu. I'll talk to you later." Relena said. She gave her sister-in-law a small smile as she cut the line.

Relena laid back against her leather chair and blinked rapidly to stop the tears. But try as she may, she could not hold back any longer and began to cry. Her great racking sobs shook her small frame. Leaning her head against her office desk, she mourned Heero and the idealist dreams she no longer believed in.  
  
***********

That night when she got home from work, she headed straight for her bedroom. Closing the door behind her, Relena gasped. By her bedside, were the largest and most beautiful bouquet of tulips. Yellow and red mixed together in a tasteful display. Even the pretty yellow bow tied around the crystal vase touched her. For one moment she imagined it was from Heero, but the reality of that was a cruel slap in the face. Opening the card, she couldn't help but smile. They were from Trowa. He was truly a great friend. Without everyone's support, she wouldn't have made it.

Picking up the phone, she dialed the automatic number. It only took three rings before it was answered. Trowa's handsome face popped onto the screen. He was shirtless with a towel around his neck and Relena tried not to blush or look to carefully.

"Hello, Lena." Trowa said. He kept his face emotionless, while inwardly saying thanks.

Eyes shining with emotion, she smiled through her tears. "Thank you. It was beautiful."

"They reminded me of you." he stoically replied. "I wondered if you would honor me by having dinner with me tonight?"

"I'd love it." she said.  
  
************

Moonlight shimmered through the open windows of the ballroom, gleaming on the waxed hardwood floors. As much as she longed to make a break for it and go home, the party was for a good cause that Relena believed in. She would just have to grin and bear it. Thankfully, Trowa had been willing to be her date. In fact, they had become inseparable in the pass months. He always seemed to know when she needed cheering up. And he was great company. Gathering her skirts, she headed down the stair case to her date.

Trowa stood at the foot of the stairs looking extremely handsome in his black tux. Although only one green eye was visible through his wild, gravity defying unibang, it sparkled as she came down.

Looking more beautiful than she had the right to, the off-the-shoulder rose colored gown framed a narrow, elegant neck. She wore her long, honey blond hair loose about her back and she never was more desirable to him.

"You look exceptional, Relena." Trowa smiled, holding out his hand for her. She winked at him as she took it.

"So do you." Relena said.

They circled the room numerous time the evening as Relena charmed her way around the room. By the end of the evening, she had made more than the amount of money they expected to raise. Relena and Trowa leaned against a pillar as he hid her from view while she yawned.

"I believe it's time to say goodnight. You are dead on your feet." Trowa remarked.

Relena gratefully nodded. She started to walk to the entrance but stopped at the edge of the dance floor. People danced and twirled around the floor and Relena gazed at them wistfully.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked. When she hesitated, he gathered her to him. His arm wrapped around her waist, his hand caught her hand, and without giving her a moment to adjust to the sensation of being in his arms, he swept her away.

Relena broke out into an instantaneous grin as Trowa expertly maneuvered her around. His movements were elegant, smooth.

"I'm impressed, although I should not be. You always had a way about you during your act." Relena giggled.

"Thank you. You should see my new tight rope walking act if you think this is impressive." Trowa remarked, pleased to see her smiling.

She laughed and they danced and danced until they were the only ones left on the floor.

**********

After the security check, Trowa walked Relena inside her home. Not wanting to alert her staff at the late hour, Relena and Trowa quietly tipped toed into her den. Before she reached out to flip the light switch on, she was suddenly in his arms. His lips touched hers and her eyes fluttered shut. Then she was involved in the stunning sensation of being kissed. By someone who wasn't Heero. And...and it wasn't repulsive.

His lips, smooth and firm, pressed against her with the utmost restraint. He gripped her waist and pulled her onto her toes. When she didn't pull away, deepened the kiss. She opened her lips to him slowly, allowing him access. The touch of his tongue made her dizzy as pleasure and wariness battled within her. His chest crushed her breast, his body enveloped hers with unfamiliar heat.

Relena jerked away gasping. She could barely enunciate, let alone think about what had just happened. In the dim light, his green eyes seemed black. He watched her with an intensity that made her flush.

"Trowa?" Relena questioned, unsure of herself and him.

Hearing the hesitation in her voice, Trowa released her and stepped back. He couldn't afford to scare her or push to soon. He stared at her as she looked up at him, confusion and a little bit of curiosity on her face. He wanted to reach for her again, but good sense intervened.

"I won't apologize for kissing you. I have wanted to for a long time." he said.

Flustered, Relena glanced away. "Trowa, I'm not-"

Trowa put his index finger against her lips, stopping her sentence. He took her hand and kissed the back of it before gently letting go.

"I've grown quite fond of you, Relena. And I'm not just talking about as friends. I'm willing to wait as long as possible for you. That's if you feel anything for me. Do you, Relena?" Trowa replied.

Relena fidgeted for a few seconds as she thought over the past year. *God, Trowa's actually trying to romance me. It was shocking, if not flattering. He was quite good looking and kind...but to start a relationship seemed to dishonor Heero so.*

"Trowa, I do find you attractive, but it's too..." Relena sighed.

He nodded. "It's too soon. I understand. But understand this also, Relena. I'm not giving up. I will always be here for you and my feelings won't change. I'll be waiting for you."

Saying that, he bent down and kissed her cheeks. And with that, he turned and left. Relena didn't get much sleep that night, but neither did he.  
  
************

"He what?" Hilde gasped in shock and secret delight. Relena was after all her friend and she wanted her to start living her life again. Her pixie like face showed her excitement. Short black hair and baby blue eyes, Hilde made a pretty picture. Relena could see why Duo fell so hard for her. 

"He kissed me and told me he'd wait for me." Relena repeated, shrugging.

Duo and Hilde were close like family so Relena called them first thing the next morning. Hilde had been thrilled with the news, while Duo was unusually quiet. But being Heero's best friend, she knew this wasn't anything he really wanted to hear.

"Duo, say something." Relena urged.

Duo remained silent as he pouted next to Hilde on screen. Hilde yanked on his long, brown braid to get a reaction. He grunted, reminiscent of Heero and Relena had to swallow a lump in her throat. When Hilde kept pulling, Duo finally snatched his thick braid away.

"Fine, I'll say he's got a lot of nerve. Friend or not, Relena is Heero's girl and-" Duo broke off, face reddening. He cursed to himself at his insensitive statement. A year ago that would have been true, but Heero was dead and he wasn't coming back. As much as he'd hoped for a happy ending for those two, fate intervened. He had no right to begrudge her any happiness she got from another man...even if it was Trowa. *Trowa and Relena? Who would have thought that?*

"It's okay, Duo. You can say his name around me." Relena sighed.

"I know, but I'm sorry anyway. Look missy, I wish you all the happiness in the world. If you care for Trowa, then I say go for it. **He** would have wanted you to be happy." Duo smiled, although it looked a little forced.

"Thank you. I just need to hear that from you." Relena said to him.

"Does that mean you'll start dating him?" Hilde asked eagerly, nudging Duo aside on the screen.

"It means I'll take it slow and see what happens. I owe myself that."

*************

Ringing the door bell, Relena nervously tapped her hands against her thighs. She waited for Trowa or Cathy to answer the door. On a break from the circus, the siblings stayed in a little apartment near the circus grounds. She hoped he was home so they could talk before she lost all courage.

The door opened and Trowa gazed at her in wonder. *She came to me.*

"Can I come in?" Relena asked. Appearing shirtless again, he had on a pair of tight jeans and was barefoot. Just looking at him reminded her of the kiss they shared, so Relena fought hard not to blush or appear nervous.

Trowa nodded, moving aside to let her in the apartment. His eyes followed her graceful movements as she slid pass. Decked out in a yellow sun dress with white and purple flower pattern on it, she looked adorable. Not at all like the formidable Vice Foreign Minister.

He led her into the small living room and they sat next to one another on the couch. Remaining silent, Relena tried to make the first move but didn't know where to begin.

"Relena, why are you here?" Trowa asked.

"I-I've thought about what you said. Trowa, you mean the world to me. You've been a godsend these past months. But I'm afraid to change that. I still love Heero and think of him daily. You have to know that." Relena said.

He nodded quietly. "I know how much he meant to you. He was your first love. He was my friend. But I no longer feel for just as a friend. All I'm asking is to spend time with you. Let yourself get to know me other than your pal, Relena. That's all I ask." 

Relena cautiously touched his hand and he wrapped his hand around hers. Looking at his much larger hand holding hers gently, Relena smiled. She turned her head-to find him so close they were nose to nose. Their lips almost met and Trowa caressed his thumb over her knuckles. He moved in closer, his mouth touching hers. It was first a soft, light kiss before he kissed her lips urgently. Each stroke of his tongue took Relena further away from herself. A little frightened, she pulled away.

"It's all right, Relena. We have all the time in the world." Trowa whispered, stroking her flushed cheeks. Her relieved smile warmed his heart. She was worth it...so worth it all.

************  
_  
Trained to be wary and alert, Heero tensed as he closed his apartment door. He quickly reached for his gun, when he heard a sound behind him._

"Forgive me." 

Heero stiffened for a slit second before the gun went off. The loud bang echoed in the dark living room. Heero jerked violently as blood splattered everywhere. Falling forward, he slumped to the ground in a heavy thud. Blood and grey matter seeped from his wound, coating the floor in a crimson flood. The back of his head was decimated...completely blown away.

A lone figure cautiously knelt down and turned his dead comrade over. Even though he realistically knew Heero was dead, he had to see with his own eyes. Glazed over eyes stared back at him in shock. His final moments showed the absolute disbelief in his now dim prussian blue eyes. He was dead...finally dead.

Putting the gun away in his pants behind his back, he went to wipe the blood off of his face. The handkerchief in his pocket wiped the wet, sticky feel away. Not worried about being caught, he stepped over the fallen soldier and went into the bathroom. Washing up quickly, he wiped everything clean.

"I'm sorry, Heero. Sorry it had to end this way." 

Trowa turned from his reflection in the mirror in disgust before leaving the bathroom. Gazing down at his friend one last time, he left as silently as he had arrived.

"Trowa, are you all right?"

Trowa jerked on the floor as Relena shook his shoulders. He nodded and gave her a weak smile in reply. They were supposed to be enjoying a rented movie together in her bedroom, but Trowa couldn't stop the memories from resurfacing now and again. After officially becoming a couple a month back, the pair spent all their free time together. Overwhelmed with emotions, Trowa reached out and pulled Relena in his arms. She stiffened for a second before returning his embrace.

"You know I love you, don't you?" Trowa whispered, kissing her cheeks.

She nodded and held him close. She couldn't bring herself to tell him she loved him back yet, but she knew he knew. He was so special to her and had helped her through a rough time. He loved her. While Heero would always be her first and only true love, Trowa meant so much to her now. She couldn't bare to loose another man she loved.

"I will never leave you, Relena. I promise. We will be together forever." Trowa said. He kissed her lips and inwardly sighed when she responded. 

She was worth it. Losing his soul. His self respect. It was all worth it. If the tables had been turned, he knew Heero would have done the same.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**Okay, that's my story. I don't know what possessed me to right this, but it was fun. Trowa the villain...I like. Although, I do feel sorry for Heero and Relena. Oh, well. That's life. Or fanfiction. Bye!_  
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